


so take my hand, and take my whole life too

by sessrumnir



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: (third person tho), Buzzfeed Challenge, Community: Buzzfeed Challenge, First Dates, Fluff and Crack, Friends to Friends With Benefits to Lovers, M/M, fluff i guess?, from Ryan's POV, ryan is anxious af, shane is chill af
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 14:29:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14107368
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sessrumnir/pseuds/sessrumnir
Summary: Ryan has no idea what the perfect first date should be like. Maybe his friends do?





	so take my hand, and take my whole life too

**Author's Note:**

> hello friends! so, first of all: one heck of a challenge this one was for me! haha I'm the last person you'd go to for advice on dates, so it was fun coming up with a plot for this prompt. 
> 
> also, I figured it'd be fun to include some of the folks from buzzfeed, especially those closest to ryan who happen to be queer. so hey, it's a shyan fic, but there's a smidge of eugene, jen, and niki, too :D
> 
> title from ~~ingrid michaelson's rendition of~~ _can't help falling in love_.

“Look, I’m not saying it’s gonna be perfect—”

“Then _what the fuck_ are you saying?!”

Eugene widens his eyes, taken aback. _Shit_. Ryan is losing it. Completely losing it. He looks around, but the closest living soul is at least a hundred feet away; he watches the girl close the windows of the foodtruck where he got lunch at, then turns back to Eugene.

“Sorry, I’m a little anxious. A lot anxious.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

Ryan hits him jokingly in the arm, and they laugh. They’re leaning against Ryan’s SUV, Ryan having brought Eugene down from the office with the pretext of lending him a jacket he had been promising him for weeks. Eugene’s holding the jacket in his arms, crossing them against his chest, and he’s staring at Ryan like he expects the man to say something.

“How do you,” and Ryan stops to clear his throat because his voice came out a little higher then expected, “do this?”

“I don’t,” Eugene shrugs, smirking. “I usually hook up with whoever’s at the bar, I don’t go around asking people on,” he makes air quotes with his fingers “‘dates’”.

“Why the air quotes?”

“Because the kind of date you’re thinking of died in 2009 along with Nelly Furtado’s career,” Eugene smiles simpathetically, waiting for Ryan’s rebuttal. When it doesn’t come, he squeezes Ryan’s shoulder gently. “Stop. Freaking. Out. I just mean that whatever you decide to do together is gonna be a date, you don’t need to be fretting over fancy dinners or anything someone like Ned or Steven might suggest. Shane’s gonna love it even if - and please don’t freak out on me again - even if it’s not perfect. Because nothing ever is. And it’s fine! Just have fun, take him somewhere the two of you would have fun together, and that’s it.”

Ryan tries not to let it show, but he’s panicking. He nods, smiles, thanks Eugene for the advice, and spends the next couple of minutes muttering _sounds good_ and _nice_ to Eugene’s suggestions of bars and clubs he has taken people to before.

When they part and Ryan gets back to his desk, Ryan’s most definitely in a sort of daze. Shane’s not at his desk, which is good, and Ryan starts opening tabs with the bars Eugene suggested, just to keep his mind busy. He knows he’s not taking Shane to any of those places, or at least he doesn’t think he is - at this point he’s so lost he might as well consider a club. Anything is better than pure and plain despair, and Ryan doesn’t want to get to Saturday with empty hands.

Truth is, since the night before, when he and Shane agreed that maybe their two months of messing around probably meant more than just two horny friends making do, Ryan feels like his brain forgot how to function as a brain. He has been shortcircuiting ever since he suggested a date night; Shane had said yes so calmly, so easily, it felt quite commonplace then. But when Ryan went back home and laid his head on the pillow, he realized he had _no idea_ of what their first date should be like.

And he’s pretty sure he’s gonna fuck it up.

He tried asking Eugene for help because well, if anyone can give advice on LA nightlife it’s him, but Ryan forgot the small detail that Eugene is very single and very happy that way. Still better than Ryan at the whole dating thing, probably, but not an expert. And now it’s Monday afternoon and Ryan has a billion things waiting for him in his inbox but he can’t stop thinking that _he’s gonna fuck it up. Shane’s gonna hate it. He’s gonna act like he doesn’t, because for all his jokes he’s actually a decent guy, but he’s gonna hate it and regret ever agreeing to it and maybe they shouldn’t even be doing this, why did Ryan ever think it was a good idea—_

“Hey man,” Jen materializes next to him, clapping a hand on his shoulder, and Ryan jumps out of his skin. “Woah, easy, easy. Just me, good ol’ Jen.”

Ryan takes off his headphones (that he didn’t realize he had put on) and swivels in his chair, “You want me dead, it’s the only explanation.”

Jen laughs, leaning against his desk, “Nah, you’re cool. I’ll let you live for now. So, what’s up?”

“Nothing,” he shrugs, but he must have that crazy look in his eyes because she squints at him and he caves in, “I’m kinda freaking out about… Shane’s not around, is he?”

She looks around, confused. “Nope. And he kinda sticks out, so...”

“Yeah. Bigfoot and everything. Listen. We’re kinda… Where should I— Fuck, we’re going on a date. Right?”

“Really?” Jen smiles happily. “Ah man, that’s cute. Didn’t think you guys would do this part.”

“Exactly! I didn’t—I mean, I want to, but fuck me, I can’t think of a nice place to take him? Is that idiotic of me? Because I’m feeling like a fucking idiot right now.”

“Not idiotic, no, but I mean, where do you usually take people to?”

“Nowhere!” He gestures wildly and Jen leans away immediately to avoid his flailing arms. “Sorry. I haven’t… Shit, I don’t think I’ve ever taken a man out.”

“No?”

Ryan is desperately trying to think back to all the people he hooked up with before his last girlfriend, but he comes up empty. “No. Fuck. Maybe that’s why I’m freaking out? I had fun in high school, but I was in the closet and not really dating anyone, and then in college it was just… Casual hook-ups. I wasn’t taking anyone out on dates.”

“But you took women out on dates, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, a few. But it’s a lot simpler, you just take them out to a fancy restaurant—What?”

Jen has been shaking her head no, lips pursed in a mocking disapproving face.

“That’s the most boring and cliché shit you could pull off. No offense but if you took me out to a date like that because you think it's the Official Way To Take Women Out I think I’d stab myself with a fork.”

“Oh. I guess it does come off as kinda douchey…”

“It does. Like, some people like it, but women aren’t all the same, man,” she kicked his foot playfully. “No wonder your relationships never last long.”

Ryan points a finger in her direction, “That was mean.”

“Sorry!” Jen raises both hands, laughing. “Just trying to help here. I don’t think Shane’s gonna be crazy about a fancy dinner, either.”

“No, you’re right. Maybe—”

At that moment Jen spots someone over his shoulder and clears her throat, standing up straight, “Gotta go, talk to you later.”

She darts off as Ryan swings his chair around to see Shane walking towards him, camerabag thrown over one shoulder, shades on.

“Hey man,” Shane says, dropping his things on his desk. He almost leans down to probably kiss Ryan, but stops himself in time and sits down. “How’s it going?”

“Good,” Ryan answers in a breath. He’s thinking about how much he wanted Shane to go through with it, to greet him with a kiss, even if an innocent one on his temple. But then he remembers that’s why they’re going on a date Saturday, to make this, whatever _this_ is, official, and Ryan wants to kick himself for not having a plan yet. He can't even ask Shane about it, and how fucked up is that? “Busy day,” he says simply, turning to his computer and changing tabs until he’s reading his e-mails.

Shane just hums in response, typing something on his phone and then focusing on the camera he brought with him. From the corner of his eyes, Ryan follows his movements, hyper aware that Shane can see whatever he types on his search bar. Not that he particularly oogles his screen, but he’d certainly catch any flashy websites, and Ryan doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want to ruin the surprise. So he decides to focus on work and let scouting for later.

He only hopes he can come up with a plan in time. He really doesn’t want to let Shane down.

 

* * *

 

By Wednesday, Ryan is a wreck. He’s overworked - only slightly - but he likes it, always has. Working takes his mind off things, and allows him to channel all the energy he has to spend in one (or many) things, which is great. But when he realizes he has made no progress in coming up with a nice place to take Shane to on Saturday and it’s already Wednesday afternoon, and suddenly he wants to throw up.

He has never felt this anxious over a date. Maybe in high school, before his growth spurt, when he was still a skinny boy with too much teeth and a crush on one of the cheerleaders, but not since then. And it’s nervewracking. He’s tired from all the work he’s been accumulating on his shoulders, and he’s tired of worrying over something that should not get him in that state. It’s not like they don’t know each other - after what, five? years working together, one of which was basically a contest to see who could get away with the most flirting around coworkers and on camera, they know the other well enough to be able to guess birthday gifts and preferred pizza toppings without even having to think about it.

Yet. Ryan can’t stop thinking that if the date doesn’t go well, Shane will want to revert to the system they had before; friends with benefits, in its crudest form. Ryan hasn’t even slept over at Shane’s ever since they started hooking up, and that says a lot about how terrified he is of fucking everything up - before that, they were sleeping over at each other’s place pretty regularly.

And if he’s being honest with himself, Ryan doesn’t want them to go back to that system. He knows he wants more, has known maybe for longer than he’d ever admit. If Shane doesn't want to take that next step and maybe take their relationship somewhere more serious than drunk sex and sneaky handjobs in bathroom stalls, Ryan would understand - but would be absolutely devastated. He’s in it, heart and soul, and he knows that it’s a risky business.

He also knows he can’t help it.

So when they’re almost clocking out for the day, Ryan texts Niki:

**[5:46 pm] Are you at the office?**

[5:48 pm] i am!

[5:48 pm] whats up?

**[5:48 pm] Need some advice**

**[5:48 pm] Can I buy you a beer?**

[5:49 pm] oh hell yeah lol

[5:49 pm] meet you at the parking lot?

**[5:49 pm] Yeah! Thanks!**

[5:50 pm] shane coming?

**[5:50 pm] No, but that’s good**

[5:50 pm] OH i get it ok see you in a bit

He almost sprints out of the office, saying as little as possible. He doesn't want anyone tagging along. Not today, when he needs Niki to save him from self-destructing his almost-relationship with Shane.

She’s outside when he comes out of the elevator, all smiles.

“You all right?” She asks him right off the bat, and he laughs.

“Yeah, don’t worry, nothing’s wrong. Want a ride or should we meet there? I was thinking Saint Felix.”

“Oh, a ride would be nice. But you sure everything’s fine? You look… Not yourself.”

“Which is why I need alcohol,” he jokes, but only in part.

The bar is buzzing, but they don’t have a problem finding a good spot in the back. Ryan managed to avoid the topic of dates all the way there, asking Niki about herself, and it worked. (She was fine, married life was great, Kelsie said hello, oh and by the way they had watched an excellent movie the other day, he should see it too if he had the time.) Now that Ryan is nursing the only drink he’ll be having that night, Niki is looking at him with a little crease between her brows that tells him she’s waiting for him to say it.

So he does.

“So, ok, the thing is… You know how things between Shane and I started, uhm, a bit out of nowhere.”

“Sure,” she offers, and he gets that it wasn’t as much a surprise to her as it was to him.

Ok, lot to unpack there, but he has more pressing matters to talk about.

“But it’s going great - who would’ve thought!”

“I would,” Niki smiles, and Ryan can’t help but laugh.

“Ok, well, I wouldn’t. I didn’t. But it’s a good thing, and we kinda—We want to make it more official.”

Her mouth goes into a silent _oh!_ but she doesn’t interrupt him.

“Nothing major, just… You know, dates, and hanging out together, with friends, yada yada. Problem is, I have no idea where to take him. At all. I mean, that’s a lie, I have a couple of bar recommendations from Eugene, but—”

Niki just shakes her head, “Nah.”

“Nah? No bars then?”

“Dude, you do what you think it’s best, but I haven’t seen either of you hanging out at bars like the ones Eugene goes to. They’re fancy, too, like, shit costs a ton of money there.”

“Right,” Ryan says, or whines, because _god_ , this isn’t getting any easier. “But what do I do, then? I agree that a bar isn’t the best of places, we can barely hear ourselves,” and he motions indicating the very same place they’re currently at, “and a restaurant would just be… lame, I guess?”

“I dunno,” Niki thinks for a second. “I think it depends on the place? He likes pasta a lot.”

“He does. And Korean.”

“Oh, I didn’t know that, but there you go. A restaurant doesn’t sound so bad.”

Ryan is almost over with his beer and he doesn’t even remember drinking all of it. He munches on a fry, feeling more lost than when he began asking for opinions.

“I honestly don’t know anymore. I don’t know him. I don’t know myself. What am I doing, Niki? Why did I have to ask him out?”

“Because you like him,” she said simply, busy dipping snacks on sauce so she missed Ryan’s bewilderement. “And of course you know him. It can’t be that hard, come on, what else do you got?”

“Nothing. Disneyland? Maybe,” he shrugs.

Niki blows raspberry, almost spitting on their food, and they burst out laughing. She apologizes and says, “That’s kinda cute, and you guys are always there. Do you know which attractions are good for _romantic stuff_?”

The voice she uses to say _romantic stuff_ is a goofy one but Ryan barely pays any attention; he’s thinking about what she said, that they are always there, and _fuck_ , she’s right. They’re always there. Granted, they both love it, and they’ve always had a lot of fun there, and it never gets old, but… Ryan’s not sure he wants their first date to be like what he’s sure is going to be a lot of their next dates, if they do end up making it work. He wants it to stand out, somehow. He realizes this relates to his panic of not doing enough, and his need to give Shane the best he could hope for.

Somewhere between college and now Ryan has gotten some sort of Prince Charming complex, sure. He can admit that. But goddamit, he’s going to do this _right_.

“No, Disney’s not a good idea,” he blurts out. “Maybe… God, why is this so hard!” He raises a finger when Niki can open her mouth, “I know. I like him. Please let’s not address this now because I don’t want to overanalyze this before Saturday.”

He drinks, and he eats, and he thinks. Niki is patient - she always is, he’s absurdly lucky to be her friend - and doesn’t say anything. Finally, Ryan sighs.

“Ok, I have no shame, I’ll copy other people’s dates if I have to. How was your first date with Kelsie?”

Niki grins, “It wasn’t like… It wasn’t much of a date, we were both pretty much in the closet. I didn’t even know she was queer that day. And we had friends with us.”

“So you didn’t have a proper first date?”

“Wow, when you put it like that it sounds bad.”

“No! No, that’s not—What I mean is, you never went through the asking out-going out-asking out again thing?”

“Kinda?” Niki looks like she’s trying to remember, and to be fair, she and Kelsie have been together for a while now. “We were so dumb and so young, you have no idea. I’m glad we somehow got here because I had zero game back then. Zero. But yeah, I think we had some of that… She took me to a concert once, and I remember thinking it was kind of a big deal because for the first time it’d be just the two of us, but I don’t think we made it official like, This Is A Date.”

“And was it any good?”

“Oh yeah, we were both crazy about Paramore, it was great. I think we had the same crush on Hayley Williams,” she says, laughing. “It was fun, yeah.”

“Fangirl Niki. That must’ve been a sight to behold.”

She snorts, and they laugh into their drinks. Ryan feels a little more relaxed, but he doesn’t think it’s got anything to do with the one beer he’s finished; it’s like hearing Niki talk about how her relationship with Kelsie started uncertain, too, and culminated in one of the most beautiful relationships Ryan has ever seen is comforting him somehow. Maybe Eugene was right, and it doesn’t have to be perfect.

Ryan’s phone lights up and he sees Shane has texted him. He’s smiling before he realizes it. Niki sees it and says, “You’re so into him, oh my god! That’s cute.”

“How do you know it’s him? It could be anyone texting me, I’m a popular guy,” Ryan says, but he’s smiling so wide there’s no denying she’s right.

“Yeah, sure, Mr Popular. That look is your Shane look, right and simple.”

“Shut up,” he dismisses her with a laugh but he’s tempted to ask if she means it and if he really has a Shane Look, as dumb as it sounds. “There must be at least a dozen nice bands playing this weekend, I could look that up. It’s not a bad idea.”

Niki bites into two fries and says, mouth half full, “Keep in mind we were teenagers. We enjoyed being in a crowd listening to disgustingly loud music. But it's a nice idea.”

“Yeah, I mean, I don’t think I’d take him to see Maroon 5 or anything, not for this. But maybe a small place with a live band... “

“Yeah, sounds good. Man, these fries are too good,” Niki says, and wonders out loud if they should order another. “Before we get too lost on calories here, though… Can I say something as a fellow idiot who knows what it’s like to be head over heels for someone?”

“I’m not head over—Sure.”

“Don’t worry too much. I know! I know it sounds obvious and useless and I know you, Ryan. I know you’re freaking the fuck out behind this chill façade, but listen. At the end of the day, it’s the company that matters. Don’t worry too much about taking him, like… to the Louvre or something because the two of you are always in a world of your own, anyway. Showing your appreciation for his company is nice and let's be honest, we all like to be pampered, but it’s not worth it if it’s not something you’d enjoy. Both of you. You guys need to have fun together, and if it means just like, catching a movie together, then so be it. You know?”

“Yeah. Jen said something similar.”

Niki fake gasps, “I wasn’t your first confident?”

“I just asked for her opinion!”

“I feel betrayed!” Niki cries, and Ryan laughs so hard he throws his head back. “What about the countless nights we spent together playing hangman, did those mean anything to you?!”

They laugh some more, and after they have gone through a few different topics she says, “You know he likes you, right?”

Ryan, caught by surprise, looks at her, hesitating. “He tolerates me, sure.”

“No, Ryan, stop that!” Niki gestures wildly, making Ryan laugh - she’s had a couple more drinks. “No self-deprecating humor tonight. You’re a great guy and you know that.”

“Sure, I’m not _terrible_ , but…”

And here Ryan pauses, because what he’s about to say strikes him as so goddamn cheesy. But he’s not one to hide his feelings, he makes sure he isn't that kind of person and he has been trying his hardest to be as honest as possible, with himself and others. So he wills himself to continue.

“I don’t know if I’m worthy of him. I mean, Shane’s just… He’s the best person I’ve ever met, Niki. He has such a good heart, and the weirdest but most gentle soul, too. And he’s like, eighty feet of talent and good humor and fuck, he’s just. Too amazing. You know? Like. I don’t know how to explain it but sometimes I worry that he deserves a lot better. A better life, someone to take him around the world and just—Fuck, this is so lame.”

“Ryan,” she calls in a soft voice. “This is beautiful. Really, you clearly like him more than as a fling. But this is also super dumb.”

“Wow, thanks.”

“No, shut up, I mean it. You’re talking like you can’t give Shane all that, and like you’re not all those things you said about him, too. But you are, friend. Trust me, I’m pretty sure he thinks the world of you. He doesn’t even try to hide it!”

“He doesn’t?”

Niki rolls her eyes. “Seriously, sometimes you should watch your own videos together. Even in those he’s pretty obvious.”

That makes Ryan feel dumb, but also somewhat relieved. Not that he’s entirely convinced Shane should be with someone that’s still paying off his car loan, but still. It makes him think that maybe he has something to offer, too.

When he hugs Niki goodbye that night, she doesn’t wish him luck.

“You already lucked out in finding each other,” she says, winking.

 

* * *

 

Thursday goes by in a blink. Ryan is tired, stressed, and anxious. He has decided he’ll take Shane for dinner in a nice place, and then suggest they hit a club afterwards, if he feels like dancing. It’s dumb and Ryan is entirely unhappy with it but he doesn’t want to think about it anymore. He doesn’t want to worry, and he takes Niki’s advice to heart and tries to think that it’s all about the company. All about the company and the fun that they can have together.

He totally does not bring his wardrobe down Thursday night trying to find the right look.

He also does not call the restaurant three times to confirm the reservations. He does not.

Seriously, he is _fine_.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, do you want to get out of here?”

Ryan snaps back to reality, turning to Shane. “What?”

It's Friday, they're at work, and Ryan has been spacing out staring at his screen, for God knows how long.

“I told Miriam we’re taking the afternoon off.”

Ryan blinks. “Why? What are we doing?”

Shane just stands up, slings his bag over his shoulder and waits for Ryan. Suspicious, but not that much, Ryan turns off his computer and starts to gather his things, “What exactly are we doing?”

“You’ll see,” says Shane with a smile.

They hop onto Ryan’s car, but Shane doesn’t give him the address, just keeps instructing him about what turns to take. It’s just over 4 pm, and the sun is scorching hot, but thankfully traffic isn’t anything like hush hour, when they usually get off work. Ryan is so tired he doesn’t even try to ask Shane why he’s making this thing a mystery; he just goes with it and hopes it won’t end with them getting food poisoning from one of Shane’s newly found hot dog joints.

“Wait,” Ryan says when they turn go up and left on Mulholland Dr. “Are we going to the Overlook?”

“Yes, we are.”

“Wha—Why?”

Shane just smiles at him, that cheeky smile of his that aims to infuriate Ryan but never achieves that and only manages to get a smile out of him.

“You’re ridiculous,” Ryan says. “And I’m even more ridiculous for going along with your shenanigans.”

“Not gonna argue with that!”

When they reach the lookout point, Shane tells Ryan to park in one of the empty spaces, and so he does. He turns off the engine and stares ahead through the windshield; LA looks, first of all, hot. The sun is blazing, and most buildings reflect the light in an almost perfect imitation of a futuristic metropolis. They have parked beneath big, generous trees providing some very needed shade, so Shane turns off the AC and opens his window.

It’s windy, but so much less stuffy then the car with the AC on that Ryan does the same with his window. He takes a deep breath, and looks at Shane.

“So. What’s this about?”

Shane doesn’t answer at first. He reaches for Ryan’s hand on his thigh, holding it so gently and deliberately that it’s like he fears Ryan has glass boness. But then he looks up, meets Ryan’s eyes, and squeezes his hand.

And just like that, Ryan understands.

“Shane… Wh—What is this?”

“A date. Well, sort of. It’s a kind of date.”

Shane’s fingers feel so good against Ryan’s. His thumb is stroking the back of Ryan’s hand, and his hands feel so strong yet so smooth at the same time. Ryan worries that he’s gonna start sweating into their hold but doesn’t try to take his hand away, not yet. His heart is swelling with so much affection, and joy—

“I should’ve known you’d worry yourself sick with this whole going out on a date thing.”

“I did not—Wait, how did you know? Who told you?”

“Ryan, I sit next to you everyday,” Shane argues, all softness despite the teasing tone. “I know when you’re worried about something.”

Ryan doesn’t know what to say to that, hesitating. Shane adds, “And Niki kinda told me. And Eugene.”

“Motherfucker!” Ryan laughs, and so does Shane. “Fuck, I can’t trust anyone to talk about you!”

“Of course you can, they were just… You know, worried you might have a stroke before Saturday. I may have pressed Niki because I figured that you’d have talked to her.”

“Mhm,” Ryan brings their linked hands up, until he can press a kiss to Shane’s. “Eugene just snitched on me, then.”

“Basically,” they laugh, and Ryan watches with adoration the wrinkles on the corner of Shane’s eyes as he smiles wide. “But to be fair, he didn’t say much. Just asked me to maybe not be too hard on you.”

“All right. That’s fair.”

“They care about you, Ryan. We all do. I know I do. A whole fucking lot.”

Ryan glances away, just slightly embarrassed. He tries to find the courage to look Shane in the eyes as he pushes his seat back, only enough for him to turn his body towards Shane. Their hands are somehow still connected, and he doesn’t feel like letting go just yet, so he rests them on his knee. “What are we doing, Shane?”

Shane shrugs, “Testing the waters. Seeing what works and what doesn’t.”

The way Ryan’s stomach flip-flops must show on his face, because Shane also pushes his seat back and turns to Ryan as much as he can manage.

“Hey, no, Ryan… Don’t go there, don’t think about it not working out. I want this more than I can put into words. I hope you do, too.”

“I do.”

“There you have it,” he smiles, and Ryan can’t help but smile, too. “I don’t know how you could think I don’t want to be with you when I spend all my waking time by your side. And sometimes my sleeping time, too. And my not exactly sleeping time—”

“All right, I got the picture,” Ryan laughs.

“Besides, I don’t think a lot would change.”

“You don’t?”

“Well, I’d like to not have a pillow between us when we’re watching a movie on your couch,” Shane says, and he lets go of Ryan’s hand in order to brush a strand of hair from his forehead. “And I’d like to maybe wake up in your bed, or see you wake up in mine. No more leaving in the middle of the night.”

“That’d be nice, yeah.”

“And I’d like to kiss you good morning, sometimes,” Shane adds, and Ryan just watches his face, his lips, his eyes. “And kiss you goodnight, too. And maybe even take you out to see ridiculously straight rom-coms on Valentines Day, if only to thoroughly pick it apart.”

Ryan snorts, “We’d get kicked from the theater.”

“We can always do a roasting session after.”

“Sounds like a plan, I like it.”

There’s the warmth of a million suns inside Ryan’s chest. He feels so happy he forgets he was verging on a meltdown not two hours before. It feels so comfortable there, sitting inside his car, with LA in the background, Shane just a breath away from him, smile never leaving his lips. It feels _normal_ , but also safe, intimate - and right.

It may be the dumb feeling in his chest talking, but Ryan says, “This was supposed to be our first date but I think we’re talking something else here.”

Shane shrugs and looks away for a second, and Ryan knows that behavior. He's shy. It’s not exactly out of the ordinary, but rare enough to open the biggest smile on Ryan’s face.

“Hey,” he takes Shane’s hand again, meeting his eyes. “I’d love to. Take it to another level, I mean. If you want to.”

“Really?”

“Now who’s the one not seeing what’s right in front of him?”

“I mean, I want that, I just don’t want—Don’t want to push you into something, even though, I mean… Man, we kinda did it all backwards, didn’t we?”

Ryan laughs, “You mean the fucking first, going on a date later?”

“Yeah,” Shane’s laughing too, running a hand through his hair. “Also the being best friends that go to bed together and think there’s nothing behind it, no big deal, we’re just fuck buddies now.”

“Who _does_ that?” Ryan asks in between laughs. “Dude, this is the best. I’m glad—Well, I’m glad we’re on the same page.”

“Are we?”

Shane’s voice is soft, vulnerable even, and for someone who has just been laughing to the point of getting his face all red, it’s an impressive shift. It gives Ryan the impression that he was not the only one freaking out a little bit. He’s not the only one who’s afraid, but he also doesn’t want Shane to ever doubt this, or him. So he leans forward and gives Shane a light kiss on the lips, barely putting any pressure to it. He pulls back a couple seconds later, smiling.

“We are. I want to kiss you good morning, too.”

And the smile he gets in return is such a beautiful, honest smile that Ryan leans in again to kiss him. Shane’s hands hold his face and it’s tender, warm, and Ryan worries his heart might melt.

“I had reservations for tomorrow,” he says, smiling against Shane’s lips.

“You canceled them?”

“Not yet.”

“Then don’t,” Shane kisses him, then parts to say, “I’d like that.”

“Yeah?”

“Always. I’d go to hell and back with you.”

“Ok, it’s not hell, it’s a nice place, I did some research—”

Shane shuts him up with yet another kiss, and Ryan tries to keep his smile from spreading across his face, but it’s hard.

“I meant I’d go anywhere with you,” Shane says, leaning back to look into Ryan’s eyes. They stare at each other, and there’s no hush, no awkwardness; it’s perfect. And so is Shane. “If that wasn’t clear by my sleeping at supposedly haunted houses with you every other month.”

“You’re an idiot,” Ryan says, chuckling.

“Yeah. And so are you,” Shane shoots back, but his eyes are gentle, and he’s smiling, so happy that Ryan kisses him again.

They were all right. It's all about the company, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> [](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5sQeQC4hT10) _so take my hand, and take my whole life too  
>  'cause I can't help falling in love with you._


End file.
